Unspoken

2008 diwali was such a frustrating day for me( that could be just coz I could hear people celebrating around me with laughter’s and crackers and I could even hear kids yelling, fighting and running around n their noise was so nagging ) .I could do nothing apart from sitting home and expecting some miracle to happen., I spend my whole day in front of my comp, he came by evening,it was his off day, When I opened the door for him he looked very upset. But I dint ask him ‘why’. I was holding my frustration firmly.

We kept a long muteness between us knowing each other the reason, Infact that was a broke weekend for us and we found our self a wonderful day running back in front of us without making any good memory. He want to sit at home and watch some movies in the comp…but I was not ready to compromised from seeing how people are celebrating in my colony. Finally we were set for a walk wearing a sweater when it was around 8pm…Not yet planed were we are heading .we were passing dollars colony ,where we could see rich house decorated fabulously and kids of big pockets playing around and enjoying the prosperity. Road was not crowdie as we expected (horror of recession) seems to be a dull diwali.

The sound and the lights around made me feel charged, I started realizing someone was still quit and walking wit me, he seems out of the world not affected by surrounding at all..i slowly started describing and showing what ever comes in front of me. I made him feel exactly the same what am feeling each time watching everything around and I was finding all possible things which can bring a smile in his face. When I found him cheerful I felt more blissful. while we were passing greenwood apartments ( I love that apartment for being unique with pot flowers in balcony and the elegant looking light arrangements that even we could see from outside, looks so romantic). As usual I was staring one of those apartments, as if knowing my thoughts he told ‘it may cost cores’. while I was giving smile back as reply ,Infact I was standing their in one of those balcony wearing a spegatti and pajama sipping a cup of coffee and he was beside me hugging from back.( I appreciated him for finding my likes though then I holded his palm thinking of giving him more time from my life to reach up to my imaginations…..)

When we entered the main road the view was spectacular, two sides of the road n shops were decorated as if to welcome us. And fire sprinklers were busting in the sky leaving colorful spark above us, Even the cold breeze was favoring me. That blissful air was drilling my emotions. I felt every good things in this world is created to make us happy...I wondered whether he was feeling the same...he seems enjoying though…we found our self reached near shoppers stop (bannerghatta road). We were bit tried and sat near parking fence with a fried corn ( I even hated my concentration taking for chewing that corn but kept silent for him, I was observing him not missing even a sec). The moment was filled with full of content that was more than we could talk, and never needed a word to make each other understand.

Few mints later we walk back home.And we found our hands locked each other. He made me laugh a lot wit his innocent jokes. Everyone says I always interrupt while taking and I talk more than of use. When I see him talk I feel he drown out the world. We reached home and he drop me till my door way. I saw him fade away in the street. I Was feeling so rich in heart even after being alone. I was not feeling to have food nor feeling to switch on my comp. Don’t know how long I sat on my bed thinking about an UNSPOKEN DAY. Than big surprises in my life I always admired little joy that came on my way.

when door bell pierced my ears ,I found myself sleeping in the corner of the bed. Without blanket I was feeling freezed. It took some mints to realize things..i felt blissful..i opened the door. That was my roomy came back after work ,she asked me “ How was ur diwali?”…With full joy n smile I told her “Great day it was we had a walk till shoppers stop and came back”. I was finding words to explain more but I failed. Her eyes were glued on me expecting something more .i saw a expression in her face thinking ‘will that make a great?”

....INSHORT.....
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing and taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

Inspiration Behind My Blog

Thinking about the name for my blog hmmm? How well are you in collating your life with absurd things around you ?…Are u a cup of coffee that can always give someone a cheer after the Ddays wind up or a candle that burn itself and give way and light to others. May be a blanket that always give warm to whom ever lean on to it. Or can be an aquarium fish that always amazes the people but frustrated in his own small world.And offcource many more that u could possibly search for to compare your life with.

Few months ago I got an sms from one of my friend says……..

"Life is like having a cup of tea. you sit by the side of the window, lift the cup and take a careless sip only to realize, somebody forgot to put the sugar. too lazy to go for it, you somehow struggle through the sugarless cup. till you discover undissolved sugar crystal sitting at the bottom... that's life…"

I wonder who wrote this message because there was a time in my life I felt all songs are played for me. Some times I feel all stories are about me, Rhythms are played just for me . Dreams are framing me to build my fortune. but still I couldn’t recognize them sometimes. I was leaving my life without any harm either good to anyone. And once I started realizing the mix of emotions n responsibilities that made me alive, that was time I found “my life is like a perfect blended coffee”.

Hope I made myself very clear. I will never drag u through my life stories ,Rather I may confuse u by explaining my random thoughts ,but I will make sure I will make u feel exactly the same way what I felt during each scenario…this will be all about my “RANDOM THOUGHTS”

Cupid Wings

Well well well guys I am starting…Starting my ride by introducing a priceless character in my life. I bet not much guys have met or may be not bothered to think about these kind of people are present around us until they make a significant change in our destiny…..let me tell u don’t expect a love story either senti...but ya…”This is an intensity of imagination that finally reciprocated to reality..” (My life ya…)

Say about 3 yrs back I met him in -----(wait wait let it be a suspense for next 10 mints) And his name is ----- (no not now, let us cal him cupid till the end of the story.ok?).I never felt any provoking emotions towards him at tat time I met him either after that, but I felt he is such a laid back person wit immense of patients. Each time I meet he kept a secret behind himself .No matter what ever he does there was a charm of aura sheltering him. He kept a stable calm face always.

I never new how fast one yr passed may be more….he made a very slow approach in making me understand how he observes me and made me feel guilty for ignoring him,,, when ever I try to notice him his eye whispered “give me a chance I can make a change in you, only one chance” .who cared ? When habit of ignorance was in my blood. I gave a damn…he still did not give up. That was the best part in him…ohh lord , those days I could feel his mystery eyes following me where ever I go, May be I just want him too. I never thought he could be the man that any girl can die for… i see a man who gives much of himself 2 make me special…

Those were the time I was in my nth degree of loneliness, I wish all this would be my fantasy and could be my high intensity of infatuation….stupid me!!!! I thought wit time I will realize my stupidity. But still I was all alone in a huge crowd, all confused crowd infact. I wanted an emotional support desperately but my life was not ready 2 trust anymore. Finally I decided 2 be happy with cupid just coz he turned out to be the most harmless person in my life and I have a strong reasons (and that reason later u will realize I was so true).

Years, months and days passed it may be the 3rd year. Finally he succeed in making me feel how important he is to me…....LONG PAUSE .............I must warn you though, as much as he is romantic, he is pretty passionate and mischievous...n always display affection a lot. ( Infact I want him that way, I STARTED IMAGINING…………)

I wish he could give me the most intoxicated dreams of the time…I always wanted him to be good at that.….when I stare at him with lot of unanswered questions in mind,he come close to me and use to grab my hand......... and.............and...........and.............use to gave me a magic carpet ride and when I was not well sure to accept it.His face was so irresistible to reject the offer. It was a good work out for me. Running away from him. Being chased around the sofa. He use to make sure the carpet is really big so i have enough room to run around and not worry about being touched... when we are alone in room he use to say… “You’re killing me baby… sitting across the carpet and smiling this way and u r melting me like an ice.....”

Sometime a bit scary when he try to fly low to grab a bunch of lilies and tulips from garden for me ...:):)....And he use to fall on his knees stretches hand forward...Here are the flowers for u and says “ I am sorry they r not half as pretty as those eyes”... (Me giggling) …

It could be more than I could handle when I have a bad day and feel down, he did come from behind and surprise me with a hug and a gentle peck on the back of my neck. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and their miserable tickling inside. And he use to fill me with refreshing energy. It might've been more than any girl could handle…oh yeah.. May be a bad thing. But never for me.

If he met me out in the garden or something, He would lift me up in his arms and spun me around., letting my long hair fly in the breeze…(me laughing wit joy)

I like him more when he sings

"chaand kahoon, phool kahoon..
subah kahoon ya shaam..
kya rakhoon tera naam,
jisse duniya karien salaam"

This was the catchiest one he song for me…. I like shayaries and he knows that. When I call him “poet” …… he use 2 say “who would not become a poet when your eyes smile n flash at them...” (me blushes shyly )

I wondered whether I am a blue fairy from fairy tale ........................ .what if he gets Julia Roberts or Catherine seta in front of him, I use to wonder how he will find words to describe them…. he he he…. (Me Laughing) .my pity cognitions.But when I say all this to him ,He use to trap me in his arms and his fingers gently caress my cheeks to move my hair off them, then a gaze into the eyes as if he is trying to look deep into my heart throught it and his dark eyes say it all. He made me feel how my birth means to the world…

I consoled my self my saying that my immortal love for him made him 2 think “Am the charm that he can ever think off”. Days passed...

My imaginations never had any questions. Only true emotions are in place. No place for any intellectual thoughts, I believed that can make my imaginations dirty….....grrrrrrrrr….…but….in a sudden turn of life I thought, Am I that charming that any guy could die for me? Even if he says all that where will he find words to describe, if he come across a real “beauty”. I become upset and there cropped by dirty possessiveness in mind( I never realized for a long time tat was growing inside me, damn...............)

My desire was so intense that no god could withstand it ,my imaginations was so lively that no one can take their eye and soul off…Endurance reflected from me was so huge towards the universe. I never knew that god was taking time for framing me a future and I been so impatient. He “the god” made me to realize everything…..

Will u feel silly if I say he is not my HEROIC CUPID BUT WAS MY TEDDY BEAR…Will u cal me crazy when I say I had all my romantic fantasy wit him(I told u rite he the only person I can trust and u also will agree wit..)….u have 2 believe…when god felt sympathy to me he gifted me a teddy bear. My teddy bear gifted me my imagination. I gave colors to it…my destiny fulfilled my dreams and finally reciprocated him to a cupid. He have flesh and blood now. And he can breathe too….. HUSHH….

Here is the beginning story. Three yrs back when I was working with Infosys, my team went for a trip to pondcherry .DAY ll was my “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” that was the most memorable birthday of my life so far, went to 3 beaches, bday party by my team ,day ended with dinner in a French resto, During my bday party they gave me a gift. I was shocked 2 see that “A teddy bear” for me. but why? (those days I was not a girl who loved teddies ,flowers and butterflies ,may be they found me kiddish, but I don’t want to disappoint them) with appaulose I received it. I called him “CHUNKY” so as everyone…

This story is real and a reflection of 2 concepts that my life deliberately made me follow.......... One is from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is a renowned spiritual leader and the founder of Art of living. Once told during his speech “RESPECT NON-LIVING THINGS” .May be the age was not allowing me to understand filosophycal part of being.(I was only 18 when i done art of living) Have I not told u in the beginning ,our life Is always comparable with silly things around us, We never noticed how dependable are human. Just as from the morning till night he gazes and touches many no living things for his use. We never realize, from tooth brush to alarm clock before we go back 2 bed. Do we need to respect them? Yes we have to. Feel thankful to the glass after drinking a glass of water .Think that if god have not created tat? Be thankful to the god and the glass too. For making our life so easy.Think about each and every thing u touch and remember the use and respect the creator of our world .Cant believe rite/even I could not ? Do it and feel how happy u r to enjoy the essence of life and its purity. Non living things will never cheat you so as my chunk...”infact he showed me my destiny” ...and I never felt he is a non living thing in my life.

And the second concept is from Bob Doyle “THE SECRET” novel.Recently they release as a documentary and which become very famous.(it is an extensive topic u must see its useful)It talks about the intensity of desire and imagination that can make any hope to reality without any effort but just imagining .Say like "THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS".i completely welcomed the message, I made my loneliness into a rainbow of hallucination .And its mine now…muah...

.... IN SHORT.....
who don’t respect the fabulous frame work that god created for us."He thought about everything".it is not just about the life but emotions,family,well being and what not.I still couldt imagine that he gave me such a wonderful experience to understand the power of our mind. Both the concepts that I was talking about was only to do with our mind,which just have to blend it.Nothing else we just need to understand him thats all the life is all about..

Beautiful Imperfections

Here is a video that may relate wat ever i tried to convey.

I regretted for complaining my mothers food when I was experience a different food culture for 9 yrs, even any one of my kind could not adopt those, no matter how long we stay. I stopped blaming my cozy bed at home to be not wider, when I have t o sleep in bare bed with no extra pillows to hug in my rented bachelor h ouse in Bangalore .First time I felt respect to the nature were I was born and brought up to be heavenly, when am stuck in more than hour traffic in city. I missed that nostalgic boring days were I have nothing to do part from browsing and hearing music, when I have to work extra hours at night when whole world is sleeping. Even I can’t forget the days I spend my father’s money without any accounts, when I was try my level best to stretch my salary at least till 15 of every month. …What not my life taught me?.......but I have no complaints to god coz he knows its hard to make me understand without giving an experiencing to me. I miss all the places were my life as taken me through (school, collages, work n places I stayed).All coz they have given a bunch of unique lively memories. When I was first send away from home for studies I felt more arrogant about my confidence to live alone than freedom that I await. Inspite of all the problems I personally made and others made for me have never given any lose for me to regret. But let me tell you one thing now, my experience made me more n more arrogant than ever I was. …let it be.. W ho’s father? What goes…?

Can u compare your life with Robinson cruzoe ? (the famous fiction character who lived in an island whole life alone) I did and my life told me it’s not just a fiction story but it is possible who ever have an independent soul. There was only one difference between me and Robinson Crusoe. He climbed the trees and killed scavengers for food. But I got all that with money. If u r lost in an island for some yrs what will u miss the most from civilian world?

You want to know what I really miss the most if am lost in an island? I never miss my N70, my computer neither my music system but then what? I just cant live without an ‘Emotional Support’. Very simple!!!!! Yes in fact no one can .See in that case I don’t mind if am thrown away in a haunted island or in middle of a sea or may be in deep forest. Did u ever thought about that? Or you never got a chance to know yourself?.....I wanted someone to express my feeling when it rains..….I want someone to show my frustration when am moody n dull……I want to make someone hear my favorite music and to make them same what I feel…....Someone to lean on when I feel to dream….

THIS WAS A LATE REALIZATION OF MY LIFE….who ever says ‘I am independent ‘ are the true liars. who will not agree with me? let me know.(it really doest matter when it comes to the relation ,we possess to be with, name any that we cannot live without mother, father, brother, sister or a friend. And it all varies with the sta ges of life we pass through)...BUT WE ARE BONDED.

....IN SHORT.....

So reason we are born in family with all our imperfections. From there we crop our understanding ability that makes our life “ a beautiful imperfe ction”..He the man should know persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has w elded him into it before he was born.